


Scrubbing

by Nepetas_Apprentice



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sharpie AU, death mention, traitor au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8268506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nepetas_Apprentice/pseuds/Nepetas_Apprentice
Summary: After the main events of the traitor AU, Patryk left the army and has moved in with Pay and Sharpie. And he swears, he’s handling his emotions really, really well. Honest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on my tumblr, [spicedchocolate](spicedchocolate.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Pay and Sharpie, and the Traitor AU, belong to [trashpandaballs](trashpandaballs.tumblr.com).

It was not present all the time. Hours or even days made up the spaces between his memories, during which he could try to live a normal life. But then he would see Paul’s blue eyes reflecting the overhead lights of the compound, made brilliant by the rings of purple bruises. He would hear shouting as soldiers tried to restrain his partner, his boyfriend, his lover. He would nearly lose his balance as the gun was shoved into his hands, and he would stare at it for so long he would miss the first, second time Tord barked at him to fire. And the third time, when he did hear it, he would panic.

He would always try to be a good soldier.

He considered it a lucky thing to be so jumpy, because the gun would go off and he would find himself back in the present, doing work or, in this case, the dishes. He was still holding a dinner plate, and the hot water running over his hands had turned them red. He pulled them out and continued to sponge off the crusted bits of food, rinsing it when he was done and setting it aside to dry.

It had been four months.

“Oi, Pat!” Pay tramped in swinging two armloads of plastic bags, the sound of crinkling plastic feeling like claws on the inside of Patryk’s skull. “Guess who’s got the night off!”

“Did you get fired?” Patryk asked. He reached into the sink and picked up the next plate off the stack, going through the same motions as he had with the first one.

“What? No.” Like a final strike of lightning, Pay tossed all the bags onto the kitchen table at once, and Patryk assumed that several things must have rolled out when he heard Pay make a lunge for them. At least there was no following sound of produce hitting the floor.

Patryk continued to stare at the plate in his hands.

“Nah,” Pay continued. “My boss is just a real softy, told me I could take the night off if I did him a special favor tomorrow.”

“Mm.” The sponge moved in a circular motion, starting in the center and working outward, leaving a snail shell pattern of foam on the plate.

Pay popped open their refrigerator and tossed the first of the groceries inside. “Yup, really fun guy, my boss, just can’t wait to help him with that little favor. Should be a good time.”

“I’m glad.”

Pay sighed. He shut the refrigerator door, and Patryk did not hear the footsteps before there were bony arms wrapped around his middle. He realized he was being hugged.

“I’m shagging my boss so I don’t have to work tonight,” Pay mumbled into Patryk’s shoulder.

“I gathered that.” Patryk felt like he was leaning against a lamppost in winter, the hairs on his arms standing up as goosebumps formed. Pay had always been colder than average, but tonight it felt more pronounced, especially when compared with the hot water running over his hands. Patryk wondered if one of them was getting sick, then stopped because worry was too distracting and the dishes still were not done.

“You could at least try to get mad, like you used to.”

Patryk shrugged. He imagined getting angry would be exhausting, all of the yelling and puffing not worth it to him. He had made it his goal to finish this one task, and he knew that if he had to take a break it would be at least another day before he got back to it.

The plate in his hand was clean, so he set it aside and picked out the last one in the sink, starting the process over again.

Pay let go and walked back to the refrigerator, throwing in the last bag of groceries without emptying it. They both heard something inside fall over when Pay slammed the door, but neither bothered to investigate.

“There’s a new cartoon movie out right now,” Pay said. “I don’t know anything about it, but Sharpie’s been saying they want to go. And you know, if might be nice to get out of the house for once, go do something fun.”

“Can we afford it?” Patryk asked. All of the plates were clean, so he picked up a towel and started to dry them, one by one.

“Yes,” Pay said. “I mean, probably. It’s just three movie tickets, anyway.”

“But you don’t know.”

“Hey, I’m pretty sure we can make it work,” Pay said. Patryk did not turn around, knowing that if he did, he would see his brother lounging in a kitchen chair, feet up on the table. “Besides, if I’m wrong, we’ll just make some little adjustments to our budget this month, easy.”

“What adjustments?” Patryk asked. “Almost everything we make goes to bills.”

“Doesn’t have to be anything big,” Pay said. “We just have to cut down a little bit. Transportation, food, I don’t know.”

Patryk put the plate away with more force than he meant to, the ceramic banging against the wooden interior of the cabinet.

“We’re not doing that,” he said. He picked up the next plate.

“But—”

“ _No_ , Pay.” Patryk’s fingers tightened around the rag as he turned, finding Pay in the exact position he had imagined. “We’re not cutting down on food. We all need to eat, and we can’t ignore that for some silly trip to the movies.” He turned back and put the plate away in the cabinet, then reached for the next one on the rack.

Pay mumbled something.

“What?” Patryk asked, more bite than voice.

“I said you’re one to talk.” Pay almost seemed to laugh as he spoke, but it was mean and joyless. Patryk could not turn around.”I know you’re trying to hide all that uneaten shit, but you should know that I, of all people, would notice what you’re doing. Honestly, I’m offended you thought I wouldn’t.”

Patryk froze with the rag still clenched in his fingers. He remembered now all the times he had stood over the trashcan and scraped full plates of food into it, watching it disappear into the folds of the plastic bag. He had always waited until after Sharpie was in bed and Pay appeared to be passed out drunk on the couch to toss out his meals, ashamed by the practice but unable to get the smallest morsels past his lips. Now, he wondered how many times Pay had seen, and what could have been going through his brother’s head as he watched it all tumble away.

Pay walked over and leaned with one elbow on the counter, looking up at Patryk.

“This isn’t the healthy way to deal with this,” he said.

Patryk wished he could cry. Instead, he laughed.

“Glad I’m getting life advice from the guy who’s fucking his boss for time off.” He rubbed his eyes, aware now of how dry and sore they felt. “Listen, Pay, I know you’re trying to help, but even if there is any ‘healthy way’ to get through this, I don’t think I have the energy left to try it.” He put the plate in the cabinet. “You can’t even imagine what it feels like, to spend every minute of every day knowing that he’s gone.”

“Of course I do.”  


“No, you don’t,” Patryk said, “not if you’ve never loved someone. It’s not a feeling you can just make up, Pay.”  


He went to grab the next plate, but a hand stopped him. He looked first to the fingers wrapped around his wrist, and then up to Pay’s eyes, and the intensity almost knocked him over. Pay was staring at him with an expression Patryk had never seen on his face before, eyes serious and mouth pulled into a tight line.

“Since when do you get to tell me what I have or haven’t felt?” he asked, hand tightening around Patryk’s wrist. “What, is it just because I don’t write sappy love poems or gush about someone for hours on end, I don’t know what love is? Or, is it because I’ve never found anyone _you_ would approve of, so it doesn’t matter what I feel?”

“Is this about Sarah?” Patryk asked. “You dated for a few months in high school, Pay. Hell, do you think you would even remember her name if it wasn’t for Sharpie?”

“Don’t bring them into this.” Pay was breathing harder. “Of course I would remember, and it would still hurt. It would hurt just as badly as you’re feeling now.”

Patryk yanked his hand back, breaking out of Pay’s grip.

“You didn’t put a bullet through her heart,” he said.

“No, just a baby in her belly.”

Patryk’s mouth was open for a retort when he noticed the tears in his brother’s eyes and choked on his words. Pay’s eyes glimmered in the kitchen light, ringed with red, but his mouth was pulled in a tight line and his hands were fisted by his sides. He did not step forward, but he kept glancing over Patryk’s body, from his feet to his hands and up to his face.

Patryk stepped back. He rubbed his fingers over his sore eyes and tried to swallow, but found that his mouth was too dry.

“It hurts, Pat,” Pay said, voice quiet. “It hurts all the time, and it’s not something you can just make yourself to get over, so I’m not going to tell you to. But, you learn to live with it, little by little. And for Sharpie’s sake, I need you to learn to live with it a little bit more.” Patryk felt a hand on his arm. “They never knew their mom. They lost their uncle. And, to be honest, Patryk, I’m a mess, and… and they might lose me too, someday. And if that happens, you’ll be the only person they have left. They need you.”

Patryk barely heard the last of what Pay said, his mind so caught up on his dea that Sharpie might lose Pay, which he was certain meant that Patryk would lose him as well. He had been at odds with Pay plenty of times before, but he could not imagine being without a brother, not after everything that had happened. His heart hammered in his chest, and he touched the place where Pay’s hand held his arm.

“I will,” he said, not that he was sure what it meant. “But I don’t know how. It’s so much to deal with, it… it feels like too much.”

“Leaving the house might help.”

Patryk glanced at Pay. Pay looked back. Then, he took the rag still twisted in Patryk’s grip and held it until Patryk let go.

“We’ll finish this,” he said. “Then, we’ll go get Sharpie from school, and we’ll take them to the movie. It’s just three tickets, it will be worth the money if it makes them happy. Plus, it will be good to get out of here for once.”

And Patryk, shaking, nodded. After all, it had been four months.


End file.
